As If! Clueless Turns 30—and Gets the American Girl Treatment

What If Cher Horowitz Was an American Girl Doll?

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On July 19, 1995, the world changed. Clueless debuted and has been on continuous play in the back of my mind ever since. This movie means a lot to me. One, I believe it is the greatest adaptation of Jane Austen’s Emma ever made. Second, and most importantly, it demonstrated the perfect mixture of high and low in pop culture. The characters are smart but say things like “As if!” People routinely underestimate Cher, Dee, and their friends, just like people discount teens (and women) all the time. Part of this is warranted, and we see Cher as Emma get her comeuppance after thinking she had the right (and ability) to control her world for the benefit of everyone else in it.

The characters speak with their own language, calling beautiful girls “a total Betty” and using other slang that was totally made up for the film. This unique language made me feel like I was entering another planet when I watched it as a kid. Now, it gives the movie a sense of timelessness at 30 years since its release (!) I loved that they said “like” as much as I do, because I never saw that as a sign of a lack of intelligence (though I was told that in school). All of it combines to create something that feels totally authentic, fun, and earnest. It is the difference between “As if” and “As ever.”

I have been waiting ot see how the commemoration would play out with spon and I was not disappointed. Last week, my friend Colette tipped me off to an American Girl collaboration offering Cher and Dionne’s iconic outfits to American Girl fans. At $80 each, the price point would impress Cher and D.

I wonder what Pleasant Rowland, founder of American Girl, would make of this. She wanted to teach girls about American history and to put them at the center of the story. Arguably, Clueless does this. If we think of it now as an artifact of the 90s, it does put women at the center of a story about friendship, love, and commerce. The mall never loomed so large in my mind as it does every time I watch this movie. The only thing more stereotypical about Cher loving the mall is her falling in love with her gay best friend while shopping in it. I guess we’ve all been there (?)

But if Cher were made an American Girl “girl of the year” or a historic character, what historic events would her books invoke? What events from that era would loom large enough to weigh on her mind, her plot lines, or her peek into the past?

Austen’s Emma and Clueless both do a great job of presenting the power of relationships. In Austen’s world, relationships meant love, but also the calculation required of women to survive in a world and in a class that did not allow for them to work. Making the right connection or “settling” for someone you didn’t love may be the cost of doing business and surviving in that world. For Cher, friendships allow her to practice her misplaced white-girl philanthropy (RIP Britney Murphy) and play matchmaker. This is by far her most annoying trait, and learning to decenter herself is truly the best outcome.

With this in mind, I’d love to see a “how to be a white ally in the hip hop section of Strawberries” section in her “peek into the past.” Maybe put the East Coast/West Coast wars in context for suburban white girls who mean well but don’t want to buy the wrong cassette at their mall’s music store, or worse, talk about rap with zero understanding. Alternately, I’d love to see how American Girl would use Cher’s story to teach girls about President Clinton’s abuse of power with Monica Lewinsky, and the abominable treatment of her after he was held to account. I feel like this would actually be a great space for that, and Cher’s confidence would be a great boost to girls who need to understand when and how to tell creeps “as if!”

In terms of suggested plot lines for Cher in her six-book American Girl series (which I’m dreaming up in real time), I’d hope we’d get a plot line that somehow had Cher cross paths with Oprah and the other daytime talk show hosts whose no degree, all feelings-style advice would seem appealing to Cher. Never forget Cher’s impassioned speech on immigration that was all vibes, no footnotes. Then, perhaps we’d get some kind of backstage reveal wherein Cher discovers one of the talking head “experts” is a fraud, inviting her to grow up through some disillusionment while exposing the illusion of expertise on tv at the same time. (Really, I want to retcon the rise of Dr. Phil or Dr. Oz, so maybe I’m bringing my own issues into it here!) I also think a plot line about NAFTA or where the clothes in her revolving closet get made would be interesting for a peek into the past.

Anyway, I’m in too deep on this. I would love to hear what you think!

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Thanks for reading!

This is a free post for subscribers of Landline. Consider subscribing to the paid plan to get my weekly email of recommendations and links, a podcast episode, and more! You can also help me spread the word by sharing it with a friend who would love it. Thank you for being a friend!