A Maternity Ward Tour: Goofy videos, a birthing gown, and a playstation hookup

What does a maternity ward say about birth in 2025? Plus, what Meghan Markle’s video has to do with any of it.

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This week, some corners of the internet are feeling big feelings over a video posted by jam purveyor Meghan Markle. To celebrate her daughter’s fourth birthday, Meghan dipped into her own archives to share a video from her daughter’s birth. Specifically, a goofy video of Meghan dancing with Prince Harry in her hospital room in an attempt to jumpstart labor.

meghan

A post shared by @meghan

This video is giving “we’re the hottest people at this Olive Garden” (non-derogatory to Olive Garden) or “the aunt and uncle determined to impress the DJ at their niece’s wedding.” They are dancing to some song that was part of some trend on social media years ago. My first (of many) questions is, who is this for? Will your daughter want to see this someday? Let’s say she’s just as goofy as her parents and treasures this like her great-grandmother loved her corgis. I could understand a family wanting to capture personal moments leading up to a baby’s arrival. The desire to share it on Meghan’s Instagram, however, invites questions. Like, is this how some people understand birth control? Is this why the tsar was killed?

When I saw it, I felt like I was watching living history interpreters reenact adorkable culture from the early 2000s. If Zoey Deschanel watched this, I have to believe her first words would be “blerg.” It felt like I wandered into an Applebee’s in a neighborhood where the eatin’ might be good but the people are strange and the vibes are decidedly off.

Yes, I am prepared to make this about me.

I have not discussed the experience of expecting our son since I announced it here, in large part because I do actually like having some things in my life remain private. While I don’t feel called to share any pre-labor dance routine videos, I want to share some thoughts I had after a recent tour of the maternity ward where my wife and I will welcome my son next month.

This tour was led by a professionally cheerful and encouraging nurse about whom I can only say good things. She navigated a large group of couples up six floors and then through a sample triage room, laboring room, and recovery room and left none of us behind.

Here, in no particular order, are some commentaries on the state of maternity care as witnessed by me, the “support person.”

• We were on a tour with lots of straight couples and were with some friends who are also queer and expecting. If queer yourself, I would highly recommend going with other queer folks if possible. If nothing else, the number of times the tour guide lumped my fellow non-carrying friend and me in with the “dads” was reduced by conservatively 75%. Our guide referred to the dads (and us) as the “support person,” and, though a bit clinical, it did make me feel like the “SP’s” that Tom Cruise and other Scientologists identify as threats, and that felt healthy for my brand personally.

• There was a very pregnant woman on our tour wearing a crop top with an illustration of a jar of dill pickles on it, and I just keep wondering if this is some new form of addressing questions of gender before they’re asked. I.e. “do you know what you’re having? Well, . . . it's a real pickle.”

• In the labor room, we were directed to note the good size of the private room, its attached bath, and the TV “which has most things people want to watch.” A man on the tour asked if he could bring his PlayStation and had to be told no, “because it would mess with our system.” By “system,” I have to imagine the nurse was talking about “being an adult.” Maybe he was just leaning into the history of maternity ward spaces, which have increasingly been transitioned to appear more like home. This creates (charitably to this man) the assumption that you are at home where all births used to take place. Or, you’re just a gaming addict. Idk.

• Speaking of our fellow SPs, some men were very concerned about when we would eat. “What happens if we get hungry?” Ah, yes, the question on everyone’s minds. Sadly, our nurse was then tasked with telling us that this particular hospital has changed its policy to only provide food for the birthing parent. I am not envious of the opportunity to eat hospital food, having grown up on so much of it. There’s also a 24/7 Panera in the lobby, and that speaks to me. My wife is dreaming of a turkey sandwich after she gives birth, so I was happy to learn I can make that dream come true for her. However, nothing makes me say “Luigi!” faster than a loss of basic humanity in healthcare determined solely by cost-cutting.

• A woman on the tour asked if she could bring her own hospital gown. I did not know this existed. Having looked it up, I’m wondering if the choice to make it in black is specifically invoking a LBD. Is it black to signal mourning for the loss of your sleep? Your PlayStation time? Your personal autonomy? Hard to say. To quote some pregnancy etiquette I’m inventing, “it’s really a pickle.”

  

• I am not obsessed with this graphic of said “delivery and nursing gown,” and all I can say is it really feels like labor is no place for modesty. Babe, we’re gonna see a lot of sights and that’s unavoidable. “Butt flapping in the wind” is truly copy no one should read.

• Relatedly, our nurse briefly alluded to “photography policies,” noting that some moms don’t like having photos taken of them giving birth, so it’s best to work that out in advance with your “support person.” I have also read this in several maternity books. What in Dolly Parton’s holy name is wrong with people that they think they, their future child, or their partner would ever want that exact scene recorded for history?

This is where the Meghan Markle video reminds me that I am not like the other girls, or maybe they’re not like me. I don’t know what’s goofier, a birth photo or that dancing video, but I’d like to think I’d spare my son both.

I like thinking about these tours as themselves snapshots of our own historical moment. What does it say about us in 2025 that these are the things that stuck out to me? How does it compare to any tour (if one was even offered) that my grandma Fluffy went on when she was expecting in the early 1950s? In the age of twilight sleep, did they show off sample rooms, design them to appear like home, or offer any assurances? Or, did these new moms wake up post-delivery to the words of a future poet, “it was all a dream?”

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Thanks for reading!

This is a free post for subscribers of Landline. Consider subscribing to the paid plan to get my weekly email of recommendations and links, a podcast episode, and more! You can also help me spread the word by sharing it with a friend who would love it. Thank you for being a friend!